Why, when people make mistakes that cause us grief or inconvenience, do we usually assume the person meant us harm or was behaving with a complete lack of concern for our well being? Although these things are possible, why do we move on into probable? I know I'm guilty of this too. If I'm trying to merge onto the freeway and someone is driving too slow or too fast for me to make a smooth transition, I assume that person is just being rude. If I'm in line at the grocery store and the person in front of me is taking their time and asking lots of questions, I assume that person is just inconsiderate. Some of us have things to do after this!
I bring this up because today I was on the receiving end of some of these dangerous assumptions and it hurt...bad. My co-worker/supervisor was so disgusted by a mistake I made yesterday that he decided that my last two weeks at the job he will not give me any work because he can no longer trust me. He had lost all confidence in my ability or interest in doing a good job. After much arguing and accusing (and crying) I learned that he was assuming that the mistake I made was an attempt to "leave him high and dry." He thought that because I only have two weeks left at the job I just don't care anymore and I had "checked out." He was livid. I was completely offended. Not just offended. I was REALLY hurt. He had questioned my integrity. After almost two years at this job, and all of my hard work, this is what it comes to?
We were able to resolve the issue (mostly), however; I am heavily affected by it. I've realized just how damaging it is to make these assumptions about people. I've decided I'm going to do my best to stop that nonsense. Why not assume it has nothing to do with me, which is most often the case? Why go straight to the worst case scenario? All that does is cause anger and stress (see my co-worker's reaction above).
The older I get, the more I realize how little anyone's behavior has to do with anyone else. We are so self-centered to assume that everything is about us! Although it's important to set boundaries and not be taken advantage of, let's be realistic. That old man at the stop light who didn't see it turned green, he's not trying to ruin your day. Your co-worker who always forgets to push his chair in and it always gets in your way when you get up to go to the bathroom, he's not trying to trip you. It's not about you!
So let's stop assuming the worst about people. Please. it hurts my head.
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