Uncertainty

Is there ever a time in life when you get there?  By "there" I mean that place where you feel like your life is right.  For as long as I can remember I've been working toward something or looking forward to something.  I'm not sure that I've ever stopped and enjoyed my current situation for a significant period of time.  I have moments, but mostly I'm looking forward and hoping for tomorrow.  I have to admit it's exhausting...it's often disappointing.  I don't have an answer to this problem.  I'm just hoping and praying that God would show me how enjoy each day.  I don't want to get to the end of my life and realize I didn't stop to enjoy it.

Blogging

I'm always thinking...always.  I'm constantly analyzing and trying to figure out what I think about things.  With all of these things I think about one would think I'd have all kinds of things to blog about.  And I guess I do, but I have a complicated relationship with this blog.  I know some people put their whole lives on their blog.  Some people just blog about politics or philosophy.  Others post pictures to keep family updated.  The truth is, I don't know my purpose for this blog.  Maybe that's why I'm never sure what to write.  Like I said, I have so many thoughts, but I wonder if anybody wants to read it.  Or if I'm going to give too much personal information.  I wonder if it's strange to even have a blog that anybody could read at any time.  Just my thoughts for the moment.


Here are some random things going on in my head right now:

-I knew junior high girls were complicated but I think I underestimated them.  Last week I spent an hour trying to convince 12 and 13 year old girls that their future goals should not be completely caught up in how much money they're going to make.  It was unbelievable.  I don't remember giving a second thought to the salary of any of my career goals when I was that age.  I'm concerned for their futures.

-I work 30-35 hours per week but it feels like about a million.  I'm all over the place and I'm still getting used to it.  I'm in the office at the YWCA, then I'm going to facilitate a group at one school, then I'm driving across town to facilitate at another school, then I'm in class, then the next day I'm meeting with clients all day at the counseling center.  Not to mention working out, hanging out with friends, and OF COURSE, spending time with my husband.  I LOVE what I do, so I'm really not complaining.  I'm just looking forward to a simpler time.  A time when I'm done with school and I only have one job.  That will be nice.

-It's too hot.  I want fall.

-I love Jesus and I'm consistently amazed by how much he loves me.

That's all for now.

God's work

Today I started thinking about the profession I've chosen and I started to feel a little hopeless.  I get to meet with people for one hour a week.  All the other hours of their week they live their lives in the midst of messed-up families, available drugs, angry husbands, and the millions of others things that can throw them off track and keep them from recovery.  I actually had a middle school girl tell me last week that physically abusive relationships are ok as long as the people really love each other.  How am I supposed to help these people!?!?  It's such a battle for me to remember that God loves these people more than I could ever imagine loving anybody.  He wants them to be well.  I have to constantly remind myself that this is not me working, it's God working through me.

God...

...wow

Changes

Hey everybody.  I'm making some changes around here.  Because I recently began counseling people its not a good idea for my blog to be easily identified as MINE.  I can't have clients coming by here and checking things out and then knowing details about my life that I didn't share with them.  So, I deleted all my photo albums and my profile picture is for those of you who already know its me :)  I'm going to feel this out and may end up deleting it completely.  We'll see...

Guitar Time

I played my guitar today.  It was the first time I played in over a year.  I just thought everyone should know.  I played for an hour and now my finger tips hurt and I couldn't be happier.  My relationship with guitar playing has always been somewhat bittersweet.  It's the only thing I do right-handed and so I think it's a little more difficult for me to learn and to keep a rhythm.  It seems logical that I just try to play left-handed but after 14 years of playing it this way, that would just completely throw me off.  That being said, I think the real struggle for me has been the idea of really being a guitar player.  I honestly use my guitar as a back-up instrument for my voice.  My true passion is singing.  I usually don't dare to imagine what might happen if I was a good guitar player AND a good singer.  That could be awesome!  So now the challenge is to make time to learn how to be a guitar player.  In between school, two jobs, and my husband, it's going to be tough.  The good new is, I don't have a deadline.  I'm just glad to have that goal now.  Ok friends.  Here's your challenge; ask me about it.  It will remind me to make an effort.  After a year of questioning for Rob and Leah, i finally picked it back up.  Even though it took me a while, it worked.  Leah and Grace asked me about it today and I went straight home and pulled my guitar out.  Thanks ladies! 

Dangerous Assumptions

Why, when people make mistakes that cause us grief or inconvenience, do we usually assume the person meant us harm or was behaving with a complete lack of concern for our well being?  Although these things are possible, why do we move on into probable?  I know I'm guilty of this too.  If I'm trying to merge onto the freeway and someone is driving too slow or too fast for me to make a smooth transition, I assume that person is just being rude.  If I'm in line at the grocery store and the person in front of me is taking their time and asking lots of questions, I assume that person is just inconsiderate.  Some of us have things to do after this!

I bring this up because today I was on the receiving end of some of these dangerous assumptions and it hurt...bad.  My co-worker/supervisor was so disgusted by a mistake I made yesterday that he decided that my last two weeks at the job he will not give me any work because he can no longer trust me.  He had lost all confidence in my ability or interest in doing a good job.  After much arguing and accusing (and crying) I learned that he was assuming that the mistake I made was an attempt to "leave him high and dry."  He thought that because I only have two weeks left at the job I just don't care anymore and I had "checked out."  He was livid.  I was completely offended.  Not just offended.  I was REALLY hurt. He had questioned my integrity.  After almost two years at this job, and all of my hard work, this is what it comes to?
We were able to resolve the issue (mostly), however; I am heavily affected by it.  I've realized just how damaging it is to make these assumptions about people.  I've decided I'm going to do my best to stop that nonsense.  Why not assume it has nothing to do with me, which is most often the case?  Why go straight to the worst case scenario?  All that does is cause anger and stress (see my co-worker's reaction above).  
The older I get, the more I realize how little anyone's behavior has to do with anyone else.  We are so self-centered to assume that everything is about us!  Although it's important to set boundaries and not be taken advantage of, let's be realistic.  That old man at the stop light who didn't see it turned green, he's not trying to ruin your day.  Your co-worker who always forgets to push his chair in and it always gets in your way when you get up to go to the bathroom, he's not trying to trip you.  It's not about you!
So let's stop assuming the worst about people.  Please.  it hurts my head.

Longest week ever

Four days without Mike, a final exam, work, a dinner for my new work, airport, oversleeping, hot...I'm so glad its Friday.

This is England

200px-This_is_england_film_poster Probably one of the best movies I've ever seen.  That's a big statement because I've seen A LOT of movies.  If all you hear about this movie is that it's about English Skinheads in the 80s then you will miss the point.  It's about growing up.  It's about the difference it can make when just one person believes in you.  It's about how easy it can be to believe lies when you're hurting.  And it's about doing what's right regardless of how difficult it may be.  This movie is SO real!  I know people say that about a lot of movies but seriously...this is the real deal!  Rent it!  Buy it!  Steal it!  (not really)  Watch it!!!! 

Headlines in the news

Death toll in China earthquake rises to 8,533.

22 Dead in Mo., Okla., Ga., after more storms.

Myanmar reported  that the official death toll from Cyclone Nargis had risen by nearly 3,500 to 31,938.  Nearly 30,000 others remain missing, and the U.N. and others have said the death toll could reach 100,000 or higher.

Seriously...what is going on?